Being

The first real weekend that my children left our new home to go visit their Dad and I’m not quite certain how it feels. There is a part of me that feels an emptiness. This house is quiet, both in a relaxing way and in a lonely way. I know this is a time for me to sit, to feel, not to panic but just to let myself be. This is not an easy thing for me. My natural inclination is to fill this time with activity and people, with projects and lists, things to be checked off and accomplished.

I do have a list. Immediately, there are the sheets that need changing, furniture that needs dusting, floors that need mopping, laundry that needs folding, and bathrooms that need scrubbing. Not so immediate would be the walls that need painting, the curtains that need hanging, the car that needs cleaning, the yard that needs tending, and the dog that needs washing. And although I would love to accomplish any of the items on these lists, right now, I don’t really want to do begin any of them.

So what is it that I want to do? I want to go out with friends. I want to fix myself up and go out laughing and enjoying the company of other people. I want a connection. For the past 12 months I have spent my solitary time being solitary. I’m ready to get back out in the world and make a connection. I want to ‘be’ with other people, another form of being, I suppose.

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