Let’s get married in June she said…
A spring real estate market, the end of a school year, high school graduation, children’s birthdays, home remodeling, throw in a few family crises and a Full moon during Mercury Metrograde – perfect timing for a wedding. At least that’s how it’s worked out for us and we’re smiling through it all because in 9 more days we’ll be married.
The old me would have been curled up in a ball under the bed by now. The simple fact that my dress isn’t finished would have had my OCD in overdrive, not to mention the fact that the girls’ dresses are also still being altered and the boys’ pants have not yet arrived at the store. Minor elements not to be concerned about, right? Worse case, we will be at Belks next week buying things off the rack. Either way, in 9 more days we will be married.
The old me set my calendar in December. Once we settled on a date, I worked my way back, carefully calculating every step of the planning process so that by Friday June 5th (which is tomorrow, by the way), I would have everything completed and nothing left to do except enjoy the last week before our wedding. A weekend with my girlfriends at the Umstead Spa, manis/pedis, and sushi with our daughters on Monday, a final hair appointment on Tuesday, and then a full day for last-minute packing before we head off to the mountains for the weekend. What is it they say? “The best laid plans of mice and men….” “If you want to see God laugh….” I feel fairly certain God is having a huge belly laugh these days and we have chosen to laugh right along with her because in 9 more days we will be married.
The old me set an intention for our wedding that the weekend would be calm, joyful, and drama-free. The intention was based largely on a desire to avoid past feelings, a fear of being out of control; an expectation that if drama came in, my peace would go out. Although my intention was a good one, the fear that it was based on was not.
Five days ago drama began to enter the picture in such a way that Buddha himself couldn’t have stopped it. An early morning family crisis took me to a place of fierce anger that I haven’t experienced in years. I was called to protect and my momma-ego rose to the challenge. A few hours later, a minor crisis required me to stay calm, think clearly, navigate to safety and then work toward resolution. The next morning, I was called to comfort, and with equal fierceness, I rushed off without question to provide support gathering strength from past experiences that had prepared me for the challenge. During the 3 hour drive back home the next day, I began to chuckle to myself as I ran the recent events through my mind. The old me would have been stressed, jacked up, and anxious. Instead, I felt grateful. Grateful for where I am and how far I have come, grateful for past challenges that provided the fuel for me to grow, and grateful for the moment of realization that I am okay.
The past few days provided several opportunities for me to see and to believe I’m not the old me any longer. In the past, drama scared me. I ran so hard to get away from it that once my life was peaceful, I thought I had to avoid drama at all costs or everything would crumble. These recent lessons have taught me that drama is part of life. The drama isn’t good or bad. It just is. Peace is not a life without drama. Peace is staying calm in the midst of the drama.
In 9 more days, I will marry my best friend, my biggest fan, my partner in crime, the man who makes me laugh, who loves me just as I am, who sees in me the woman I want to be and helps me each day to grow closer to that ideal. The new me knows that this is all that matters. The rest is just small stuff. So what if my dress isn’t finished? There is always duct tape and safety pins.
The drama didn’t stop just because I had this moment of clarity. Nope, the lessons have continued and with each one we are laughing a bit harder. Shoe racks falling in the middle of the night, unexpected notices in the mail, floods in the kitchen, crazy closings, and crazier clients. We might decide to curl up under the bed before it’s all over but we’ll do it with flashlights, a bottle of wine, and a nice tray of cheese. And we’ll be under there together because in 9 more days we’re getting married! ❤ peace ❤
One thought on “For the next 9 days I’m practicing peace and loving-kindness, so don’t piss me off.”
You are awesome!