Our Light is The Way

It’s a feeling of desperation. This overwhelming need to love harder, bigger, louder, as if not only my life but all of humanity depends on it. Gone is the anger. Frustration is difficult to muster. Outrage and disbelief are things of the past. Sadness appears but serves only as a reminder to be happy.

News of torchbearers outside a synagogue throws me off balance. Plunged into deep water, struggling to surface. Disoriented, my soul kicks and flails desperate to right itself.

“This isn’t who we are.”

            “Look for the helpers.”

Like a buoy bobbing to the surface, gulping air, filling my lungs, clearing my head, reminding myself, “All is well.”

Stay in this moment. Hear the birds in the trees. Feel the warmth of the morning sun peeking over the rooftop, the tickle of a gentle breeze. Breathe in. Breathe out.

The only thing more powerful than hate is love.Do Good

“Be love.”

Be love in every moment. Breathe in compassion for the haters. Breathe out loving kindness that might encircle them, lift them, soften them, save them. This is The Way out of darkness, the path to the Light. The Truth is that only love can heal the pain and suffering caused by hate.

Look inward for the answers. Feel the flickering spark of Divine Light that exists in every living creature. Seek to understand the power we have to heal the Universe. Imagine peace. Feel compassion. Express gratitude. Be Love.

“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” – Lao Tzu

Love Harder – the world needs more healers

Many are feeling confused, scared, sad, angry, frustrated, inadequate, pathetic, weak, searching, helpless, speechless. Lost.

I am.

I’m confused. How do we heal this?

Bombarded by news of shootings, riots, grieving, anger. What does it mean? No one’s to blame. Everyone’s to blame.

“But he must have done something.”

“They’re all prejudice.”

“He was unarmed.”

“They felt threatened.”

I’m scared. How do we heal this?

Our children are watching.

To my black brothers and sisters, I’m grieving too. The color of my skin holds me back from moving towards you because I’m afraid of judgment, afraid of rejection. Worried my intentions won’t be seen as sincere. How can I possibly know or understand?

I’m staring to know.

I’m beginning to understand.

With each story, my heart breaks.

Perhaps this is the reason for it all. To awaken those of us who have been complacent for generations. Content to sit in our safe cozy spaces believing that all is well and all is equal. Convincing ourself that working with, playing with, living with black people means prejudice is history. Turning the other way when we hear of injustice because that isn’t what we see day to day in our part of the world.

A young man is shot walking home at night. He must have been up to no good. We search for evidence of past misdeeds, justification for the killing. Blame the victim. If only he hadn’t run. Innocent people don’t run. Right?

When we know better, we do better.

Now, more than ever before we must love intentionally.

Start close. Expand out to the whole world. Send love.

How do we fix domestic abuse, child abuse, drug abuse, sexual assault, discrimination, political corruption, gang violence, Charlotte, Orlando, Syria, Uganda, etc etc – the list goes on and on and on – the answer is always LOVE.

Start close. Expand out.

2ed5342ee88f877e87baa5d480f5ad12“I held an atlas in my lap, ran my fingers across the whole world and whispered, where does it hurt? It answered, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.” – warsan shire

Before, we were blind but now we see. The world is awakening and with this awakening comes power to change. We all have the power within us. We need only to start at home. Love your Self with intention. Love your family with intention. Take not one moment for granted. Feel gratitude for the breath you take, the air you breathe, the earth below your feet, and the sky around you.

Intentionally feel. Intentionally see. Intentionally listen and then love. It won’t be large acts on a grand scale that will heal this troubled world we, as a species, have created. It will be small acts of love given freely and often and always with intention.

More healers are aware and working in the world than ever before. We are all healers. We must make the conscious choice to be. Meditate love. Love harder and then love some more. – namaste

Love trumps Fear

Across the globe a plane crashes, families mourn, leaders speak. Questions swirl as answers come in slowly. Countries are angered. Accusations are leveled. Once again our humanity is highlighted as our hearts go out to those we will never know and yet somehow feel akin to.

Across the nation, the climate is contentious as leaders from both political parties ramp up the rhetoric in efforts to energize their base, hoping to garner more support in the days to come. Chosen topics are those that divide us, the extreme on either side becoming the loudest voices and thus, the most likely to be heard.

A presidential candidate stirs up fear with predictions of “the worst depression of our time” and “more terrorist bombings to come. ”The news media circles like buzzards, zoning in on the ugliest, amplifying the effect and serving only to widen the chasm. A state convention filled with passionate citizens is reported as violent and suddenly the face of an entire group is painted as hate filled and ignorant. Idealists pledge commitment to a movement, refusing acceptance of the status quo, and are demonized and disrespected. Votes that have yet to be cast are dismissed as irrelevant by candidates who declare victory before the process is completed. Arrogance in place of humility widens the chasm.

Frustrated, individuals seek those who share their concerns, a sympathetic ear willing to commiserate, to feel even in the slightest way that they are not alone. Emotions intensify and voices are drowned out. Thoughtful arguments are passed over for the more sensational and ridiculous. Soundbytes replace facts. And the chasm widens.

Bombarded by the ugliness and inundated with negativity, a feeling of helplessness begins to seep into the collective consciousness and with it, fear. Groups of people organize in efforts to affect change. Speaking out for the less fortunate, the marginalized, and the minority, hopeful that the power of numbers will create a voice loud enough to be heard over the buzz of mass media and fear mongering politicians. Private businesses boycott against discrimination and citizens protest in larger numbers. Facebook profiles fill with colors representing the country of a downed airliner as individuals seek ways to show solidarity across continents. Airline security lines lengthen and for a day or two, everyone is patient.

Beyond the hysteria of the media and the passion-filled rhetoric of the political arena is where our collective humanity lies. When the veil of difference that divides us is lifted, what remains can serve to bring us together.

Closer to home, a box of doughnuts carried through an airport elicits smiles and spontaneous conversation amongst strangers. Laughter fills the air carried on the aroma of the freshly baked pastries and no one asks for party affiliation or religious beliefs. Jokingly a security guard insists payment in the form of one original glazed before passage is granted. Once onboard, fellow passengers express playful gratitude that someone brought “snacks for everyone.” It matters little if or when the person in the adjoining seat last attended church. No one seems to care how their neighbor is planning to vote or even if they are registered. In this moment at least, any concern about terror attacks, disenfranchised voters, or discriminatory laws are out of mind. The veil that separates has been lifted if only briefly and only love remains. And where there is love, fear cannot dwell.

krispy-kreme-photoPerhaps what the world needs is more doughnuts.

5 Things I’m Grateful for When He is Away

9a76de87a660e852b09789ea42668b4d  Living with someone who is away almost as much as he is home, can be less than ideal. Even though the hello’s can be pretty damn fantastic, the good-byes are always tough and most of the time I’m a big wimp when he’s gone. The past month has been especially rough. In addition to his normal travel schedule, he had extra trips thrown in that left me home alone for all but nine out of 32 days. During this time I decided to find things to be grateful for in his absence.

1. Unlimited access to TLC programming – This month I was able to clear out the list of recorded shows that are my guilty pleasure. It was a marathon of “Long Island Medium”, “Say Yes to the Dress”, and “90 Day Fiancee”. We don’t watch these shows together for obvious reasons. He doesn’t ask me to watch those crime shows either so it’s fair.

2. Menu-less meals – Although it hasn’t been the best thing for me physically, there is something nice about a bowl of popcorn or a peanut butter sandwich for dinner every once in a while. Living with someone who loves to cook has spoiled me so when he’s away, I choose not to use the stove. It wouldn’t be as tasty anyway.

3. Saving money on toiletries – To be honest, I don’t use a lot of shaving cream when I’m home alone. Eliminating this one chore from my day saves not only money but a lot of time and if I don’t have to go to the office, there’s no need for make-up either, or even a change of clothes. (I should find a way to track the savings. It could be substantial.)

4. Reconnecting with my inner child – Once I found the perfect number of pillows to surround myself with at night, it felt a bit like sleeping in the fort I built as a child. Of course, I disassemble the structure before he gets home. He might think I’ve lost my mind to see what our bedroom looks like when he’s away.

5. Enthusiastic housecleaning – Without fail, the day he travels back fills me with the urge to deep clean our home. I throw the windows open, turn the music up and do my best cleaning on this day. This might have something to do with the state of disarray the above-mentioned activities create after a few days.

I’m extremely aware of how lucky I am to have something that makes time spent apart so difficult. It’s easy for me to create long lists of things I’m grateful for on a daily basis. Occasionally, it’s nice to remind myself to look for moments of gratitude in the hidden spaces of my life too.

Don’t call it love

Don’t call it love

Somehow we as a society have come to believe that love is a given based on the nature of some relationships. The idea that family is forever, a mother’s love is unconditional, blood is thicker than water, etc, etc, have created a false sense of what love actually is.

For those whose blood-based connections are anything less than supportive and loving, there is a feeling of inadequacy and loss. If you were raised up to feel that love is conditional, you’re left with only yourself to blame when that love is withheld. Hallmark cards covered with quotes glorifying a mother’s love, sibling connections, and the ever present bond of family, only add insult to injury.

In reality, some of the deepest pain is inflicted by the closest relationships. Family is not necessarily forever, some mothers love conditionally, and blood has little to do with how we treat each other. This idea of “family equals love” has created an entitlement attitude where relatives carelessly take each other for granted.

Daisies-Green-Nature-1920x1080-Widescreen-High-Resolution-1080p-HD-Desktop-Wallpaper-Mr-HD-Wallpapers-1366x768
Love doesn’t hurt.

The bottom line is this: If it hurts, it isn’t love. It matters not at all who the relationship is with. Call it something else, but don’t call it love.

Love comes from within and radiates out. Love yourself enough that you no longer allow those without love for you to affect your sense of self. Ultimately, it has little to do with you. Surround yourself with those who radiate love and the family you were born to be a part of will emerge. ❤

Acceptance is messy

Focus on what you have. Stop wishing for what you don’t. Be grateful for friends to laugh with, children to be proud of, and a partner to love. Accentuate the positive. Breathe in gratitude. Breathe out compassion.

IMG_0192Accept what IS. Release all expectations.

But today is grey. Today is heavy. Today is a wool sock, and sweatpants wrapped in an old quilt kind of day.

Today is sixty-four degrees and cloudy. Today I don’t have the energy to be a happy person, grateful and optimistic. Today my glass feels half empty and the trees are obscuring my view of the forest.

I’ve made my share of lemonade from life’s lemons and I mastered turning my frowns upside down at an early age. I was taught to dry my eyes, fix my make-up and show up with a smile.

I know how to look past stiff hugs, cold shoulders, dismissive comments, criticism disguised as humor, and long periods of silence. I can make excuses for others and believe the best even when their worst smacks me square in the face.

But I don’t know how to do hopeless. Hopeless is the toughest place to be for an optimist. I don’t do ‘give up’ very well.

For me, hopeless is Hell, a spiritual realm of suffering, allowing someone else’s action or lack of action to affect your wellbeing and peace. This is wanting desperately for someone to love you the way you want to be loved but knowing they never will. This is realizing that family is not synonymous with unconditional love, but loving them anyway. This is facing the fact that some people are okay without you in their lives and nothing you do or say will change that but showing up anyway. It’s finally learning that you can’t love enough for both sides no matter how hard you try but trying anyway. This is someone misunderstanding your heart but opening it wider anyway. It’s realizing that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Resisting the feeling of hopelessness gives power to the feeling. What you resist will persist. Sometimes sinking into it, allowing the heart to grieve, the Soul to cry, and the body to curl up for a day is necessary to move through the Hell to the other side.

Perhaps peace comes not only from accepting the situation as it IS, but from also acknowledging that acceptance doesn’t always feel good. Sometimes acceptance hurts. Forgiveness can be lonely and peace can feel empty.

Acceptance is walking through the Hell authentically and it can look unshowered, unshaven, and messy. Acceptance isn’t always pretty and strong, but you are God’s highest form of creation and you are okay.

Spiritual Heart <3

consuming-fireThis morning I am grateful for the ability of my spiritual heart to expand without limit.  I have often thought, ‘I couldn’t possibly love (insert name) more than I do at this moment.  If I did, my heart would surely explode.’

I remember nursing my firstborn child soon after he was born, overwhelmed by the wave of emotion this tiny creature stirred within me.  Tears running down my face, a lump in my throat, and that fullness in my chest that says my soul is fulfilled.  At that moment for the first time I thought, ‘I couldn’t possibly love this child more than I do at this moment.’  Time has proven me wrong.  For over and over I find myself loving this child more than I did in that moment.

And it is not only this child who has invoked this expansion of my spiritual heart.  Since that first moment, my heart has grown stronger, more elastic, ever larger, to the point that almost daily I am overcome by the feeling that ‘I couldn’t possibly love (insert name) more than I do at this moment.’

With the birth of each child, I questioned whether my heart could expand yet again.  Each child creating another opportunity for growth and fulfillment.  Each stage of their lives providing me the gift of uncertainty and change.  An opportunity to move forward into an unknown space of ‘I couldn’t possibly love more than I do at this moment.’  Only to find that on the other side of uncertainty my spiritual heart capacity had expanded, another layer of compassion and truth added to my life.

Like any physical muscle, this spiritual muscle has the ability to strengthen and to stretch with proper care and usage.

It occurs to me that just as physical exercise involves discomfort in the process of strengthening, so does spiritual exercise.  At the moment that I begin to feel anxious, uncertain, scared, sad, or dissatisfied, this is an opportunity for the spiritual muscle to strengthen and expand.  In yoga, we are taught to breathe into the muscle, to relax, to release, to trust our bodies to know what is right for us in the moment.

I’m learning to apply my yoga practice to all areas of my Self, physical and spiritual.  Today I realize that each time I feel that ‘I couldn’t possibly love more than I do at this moment’, my heart is expanding and I will for certain love even more.